HomeWriting Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
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Who should win?
Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Drag Tue Jan 31, 2012 2:39 pm
Vote on who's first person story you think should win! No voting for yourself though! :hat:
killer8529's Story:
LordTomyh's Story:
Drag's (My) Story:
killer8529's Story:
- Spoiler:
- How i met Ferelga
I first meet Ferelga 32 years ago on a winter’s night at the time she tried to kill me but that was not meant to happen. This is how I met my first dragon the adventure that it would take me on I would never have dreamed of in a million years.
The year was 2012 I was at the north pole a storm came fast and strong I had to find shelter there was a cave I saw ahead of me so I headed towards that area when I entered the first thing I see is a big rock or so I thought. I waited a few hours to see if the snow storm would lighten up when I realised it was not going to I set up a tent and went to sleep.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CAVE!!!!” that was what I woke up to a scream in my head that gave me a migraine I was barely awake at the time so said “please keep it down I am trying to sleep.” There was a sudden pain from my foot and I was lifted off the ground and that of course woke me up screaming
“Oh shut up you are making my ears hurt.” The voice in my head complained I looked at my foot there was a white tooth sticking through the middle of it still in huge amounts of pain I looked to see what had bitten me then I realised to the full extent how stuffed I really was in front of me was not a stone it was a black dragon!!!
It was everything I imagined a dragon to be so I did the most silly of things given the situation
“What’s your name you beautiful dragon?” I said while gasping for breath the dragon was in shook well I could not blame it, it’s the first time someone had asked it a question like that in it’s jaws
“M-m-my name? M-m-my name is Ferelga, Ferelga the daughter of Ferelgoth.” Ferelga stammered and slowly put me down and removed her jaws from my leg and looked at me like I looked at her, she was magnificent, she had two horns on the top of her head pointed strait back and two rows of small spines all along her back with them pointing back, her claws look sharp and are long enough for her to climb a wall, at the end of her tail was a small blade like structure like a arrow head her body was black with a slight tint of red.
“Why did you just put me down, Ferelga?” I asked after about 10 minutes of silence
“Because my father said if ever a man asks for your name he is you rider and companion don’t try to avoid it, it will happen either way you have been chosen.” Ferelga spoke this with her mouth not though thought that is how we met for the first time I felt prepose that’s what drove me to the North Pole.
By Killer8529
LordTomyh's Story:
- Spoiler:
- I ran hungry, starving. All I could feel was the hunger, the burning urge in my throat, like sand paper.
My body felt like water, gracefully and flowing, yet aflame with hunger, with hurt and rage.
The world speed past me, sharper than ever, the world alive with sounds, the hidden cries of the world unheard by normal ears, smells unnoticed till now.
I leapt over trees and branches, feeling as if I had the feet of a rabbit, Higher and higher I leapt through the trees, till I was running on the branches above the trees, where the air was clear and the sky empty.
A scent filled the air around me, a heavenly scent. Dirt covered the salty sweat, and the coppery smell of blood. I turned to follow the smell, leaping and swinging from branch to branch, silent as death yet fast as the sky fire.
I followed the smell to a path, my yes picking out the source of the mouth watering scent. Three men walking down a worn path, sharpened sticks across their shoulders, stone spikes hanging from their waists. One carries a large deer, hit’s neck cut and its body dotted with jagged holes.
My body froze, my hunger forgotten. In the distant part of my mind, a memory surfaced. Three men, smiling evilly, a stick protruding from my chest, a spear, one of the men stepped forward, stone spike in hand, a knife, a cut it across my throat, splitting the skin and spilling my blood.
Anger welled up within me, exploding within me, mixing with my thirst. My anger built up in my chest, parted my lips and escaped my body in an unworldly, ear shattering screech. The men beneath me fell to the ground, covering their ears, screaming in pain and fear. I leapt from the branch I was perched on, landing heavily on the middle on, the one who had slit my throat. Twin pains split my lips and I bit down on his neck, piercing his skin and drawing blood. Struggling the man cried out in pain and shock as I drank his blood, draining his life essence. It had taken only seconds yet it had felt like hours as I drank his blood, Soon the man fell still and I withdrew my fangs from his neck, the thirst was lessened, my throat not so dry now. I spun on the other two, hissing like a wild beast, my fangs still extended. One yelled and tried to spear me, the wood shattering on my skin as if it was rock. The other drew his dagger and swung at me, the sharpened stone breaking in half as if smashed against my head. I leapt on the second man, biting down on his neck. Screaming the man tried to hit me with the broken stone dagger, only shattering it further and further. I felt the third man stab me in the back with his dagger, only for it to shatter into a thousand pieces in his grasp.
The third man ran dry and I turned on the last, my thirst almost subsided and my mind clear. I watched in sadistic glee as the man saw my face, taking in every detail.
“You – How – How can this be? –We, We, We killed you” I slowly opened my mouth, revealing my fangs, my eyes closed I stood up to my full height. My eyes flashed open, reveal pupils once blue as the sky now red as blood. The man jumped back, horrified at my eyes. He tripped over the corpse of the first man, landing hard on the ground, too terrified to move
“Yes, you killed me. You speared me to death like a deer then slit my throat, and the gods have given me new life” I slowly stepped towards him, smiling evilly, my fangs always in sight. “And I hunger, for life that was stolen from me, for life taken” Now I stood over him, my shadow covering him, his face twisted in horror. I smelt a foul warm odour coming off him now, and knew he had passed water.
“So I’ll take you life, to slate my hunger, brother”
I leapt at him, and in his final moments of life he screamed, it echoing off the forest to the village at the edge of the trees. The people looking up in shock, as the scream rolled over my home.
Then the screaming stopped, and a unhuman screech took its place.
Drag's (My) Story:
- Spoiler:
- The wrench hit the floor, echoing through the maintenance area. I was strapped to a bar attached to the ceiling. One of the crew members told me that the weird sounds were coming from the ventilation. If this was a serious problem it would cripple our expedition to X-357, a new planet. It was exactly the same as Earth 1 and Earth 2. The former of which was now a junk planet. Earth 2 was going in the same direction. We had about 50 years before it would be inhabitable. And after we devoured all the recourses of this new planet we will have to find a new one. Kind of depressing really. I rubbed my tired eyes. Being up for three nights in a row can really take a toll on someone. At first I thought that the first report of sounds was just an anomaly in the system, but then more and more crew members were reporting it. Yet there was nothing wrong with the ventilation. Something weird was going on.
I decided to call it a day and go back to my quarters, when suddenly I saw something drop from deeper in the narrow area. Un-strapping, I fell to the floor with a loud thud. I walked closer to the object. Getting a closer look I could see what it was. A bone? Why would a bone be here? I inspected it, seeing some flesh still left on it. Picking it up, I headed toward the elevator. Once I was on the top level I headed to the kitchen.
“Is this from your kitchen?” I asked the head chef, waving the bone in my hand.
“No. And you should go to Security with that.” He replied, wiping clean his knife.
“Why?”
“’Cause that’s a human bone.”
Security had started an investigation into the bone. I couldn’t get any work done with all those red-shirts down in the vents. The detective stood smoking his cigarette at the crime scene.
“I really need to get to work in there.”
“Not happening. Now scram” He shooed me away.
I stepped away, but stuck around out of his sight. Once he turned to talk to the captain I opened a grate into the vent. Leaping inside I closed the entrance behind me. I crawled through, trying not to make much sound. While I was moving through the vent I inspected the mechanics. Everything was fine. What was the noise? Creak…Thud! I whipped my head around. That was the sound the crew had described. It was coming from an alternate route. I scurried up toward the sound. Another grate came into view, but this one was already open. My body froze when I looked through. Purple weed infested the whole area. And in the middle, a huge black humanoid beast laid. I took a quick breath in. The monster looked up at me, fangs hanging out with blood dripping down them. A huge claw reached out for me. Next thing I knew I was laying on the blanket of weeds. It was an alien. And it was going to destroy this whole ship. Memories flashed before my eyes. Family, friends, loved ones. If this expedition failed, everything I knew at home was doomed. I was not going to let this…thing ruin it all. Its huge hand held me against the floor, the monster licking its lips getting ready for its next meal. I reached for my small shock rod. It was a mini version of the security shock baton. I shoved the shocker into the beast’s stomach. Lurching back, the monster screamed at me. Not loud enough for the others to hear. This was my chance to run. I could leap through the vent and run back to the others. No. I was not going to let that thing get loose. I was stopping then and there. I whipped out my heavy monkey-wrench and lifted it above my head. Not aiming at the alien, no. I was aiming at the pressure pipes. Smashing those would collapse the pressure in the ship. The other engineers could handle it and fix it from their desks they sat at. I brought the wrench down onto the pipe, it blowing up. I could feel my body being crushed by the pressure. The alien leaped at me, but before it could reach me it curled up in pain. Suddenly, the monster’s body started twitching violently. Then, out of nowhere, the beast exploded. Purple blood sprayed all over the room. And I was next too. I saw all the people on the ship getting onto X-357. I saw my loved ones moving there too. I saw- -darkness. And that was all.
Drag- Rocketman
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Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Damxge Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:57 am
Tomyh's was the best written and I loved it.
Killer's was nice, but could have used a good proofread.
Drag's, while the leadup was very nice and it was well written, I found that the second part was very rushed (the part with the alien) and that cost you the vote
Good luck to everyone on your poems next!
Killer's was nice, but could have used a good proofread.
Drag's, while the leadup was very nice and it was well written, I found that the second part was very rushed (the part with the alien) and that cost you the vote
Good luck to everyone on your poems next!
Damxge- Rook
Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
LordTomyh Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:05 am
Uhm ... Thank you ... 
I liked killers but thought he needed to work on his grammar
And I liked Drag's but the ending was kind of rushed
I liked killers but thought he needed to work on his grammar
And I liked Drag's but the ending was kind of rushed
LordTomyh- Rook
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Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Drag Wed Feb 01, 2012 9:10 am
It was like the night before that I finished it. I really need more sleep... 
Yea, my vote went to Tomyh too. It was written very well
Yea, my vote went to Tomyh too. It was written very well
Drag- Rocketman
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Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
killer8529 Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:18 am
well looks like i am back earlyer than i thought any why none voting on the copations other than us of my vote went to drag because LordTomyh was good but i found drag's to be better in the way i knew what was going on strate away
killer8529- Checkmate
Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Drag Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:55 am
Cool. So has everyone voted yet?
Drag- Rocketman
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Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Damxge Sun Feb 05, 2012 7:30 am
I think so...how do we do a tiebreaker?
Damxge- Rook
Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Drag Mon Feb 06, 2012 6:35 am
FIGHT TO THE DEATH! 
<
Nah, just kidding. Ummm...please tell me I wont have to write another. :sadnerd:
< Nah, just kidding. Ummm...please tell me I wont have to write another. :sadnerd:
Drag- Rocketman
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Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
LordTomyh Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:11 am
How bout we call it a draw and see who wins the other two ... If those 2 are draws then we'll think of something
LordTomyh- Rook
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Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
killer8529 Mon Feb 06, 2012 6:38 pm
well actuly i like the idear....Drag wrote:FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
never mindstill we need more voters
where are the voters just asking
killer8529- Checkmate
Re: Writing Competition #1: Round #1 Voting Thread
Damxge Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:20 am
Hah, we only have so many members right now, invite some people and we'll have more 
Alright, locking this tight, we'll see who win the other two.
Alright, locking this tight, we'll see who win the other two.
Damxge- Rook
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